4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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