Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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