I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
