and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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