Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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