what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
