Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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