no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
