and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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