I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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