I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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