Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
