So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Enjoy the penises
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