He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
