oh god the rape fog is back!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
