I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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