I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
