he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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