Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
