You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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