im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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