is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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