Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
