i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
