I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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