did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
