Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
