3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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