I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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