So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
