she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
