when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
