i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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