Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's the barista slut.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Pooping to opera.
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