i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
