she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
