Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
