; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
