I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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