i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
being pregnant is like rehab
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
