bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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