shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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