i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
