Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i will never coherently bang her
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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