Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
