butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
