I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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