M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
