Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
