I wish I could teleport
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
