My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
