woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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