I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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