if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You've changed since you got that strap on
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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