Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
