The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
