My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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