I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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