Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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