There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
