My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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