i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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