ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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