wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
