you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
