I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
