Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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