I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
