i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
