This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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