Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
