no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
