She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is Oprah even human
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
